...ultrasonic...

slept not too well. at the eye hospital i had to wait. and wait. after about 60 minutes i had browsed through all the available magazines. browsed is the correct word, i believe i didn't read a single sentence. getting in a bad mood... after 90 minutes the doctor finally arrives. 'emergency case... colleagues ill (flue time)... sorry for having to wait... hello, i'm doctor h. by the way. lets see what's going on here...' so i sit down, more atropine drops, more waiting. then finally some viscid liquid is put on the ultrasonic device. carefully my right eye is being examined with this 'pen'. i ask what's going on but no answer yet.

'please be patient and hold still'

(...)

(...)

'this is not looking too good. there is 100% some form of a tumor or bleeding in your right eye. it's about 1.1 x 1.3 cm in size'

(...)

'that's very large'

(...)

'your left eye however is totally fine. i need to reach our tumor specialist dr m. right now. he needs to see this and decide where to go from here. please wait.'

doctor m. seems weird at first. he looks at the tumor for about 10 seconds, then asks me to leave the room. after waiting for about 15 minutes i re-enter the room. suddenly there is not only dr h. and dr. m. present but two additionally doctors. they are all looking at the tumor with the examination device. i'm asked to leave the room again.

what on earth is going on?

i'm asked to re-enter. only dr. h and dr. m. are present. dr m. starts to explain the situation. they are not sure what form of tumor is present. it can be harmless, it can be very dangerous. it can be only a bleeding. i will have to undergo many medical checks asap. mri, pet-scan, ct, blood values. then we can decide the next steps. i'm getting all nervous and for the first time i realize...

...i might have cancer...

'dear mr. j.
did you forget things more often in the last couple of months?
do you have stomach problems when you eat cheese?'