into the void we travel...

i never had to do a mri check before. hardly knew what it's about. i know now. it's scary. you have to lie down and remain absolutely quiet. you are not allowed to open your eyes. your head is fixed. it takes about thirty minutes to do a complete mri scan of the head. that's a long time to think about what's going on. the only distraction are a pair of headphones i received from the doctors. so i go into the tube on this strechter and wait. some music from a radio station is on the headphones. otherwise i'm completely alone in the belly of the mri-beast. this machine is loud and noisy and scary. i try not to open my eyes to see what's going on and i try to listen to the music playing... i count the songs. okay, one typical song on the radio is about 3 minutes. i'm 'already' into song no. 2. 'only' approx. 25 minutes to go. it 8 a.m., time for the morning radio news. bla bla bla another bomb in iraq nn people dead. nice to hear in the mri-beast, my god. why not put in some cd with some harmless muzak? but listening to the news, the weather- and the traffic report in the belly of the mri-beast is, well, is... not exactly nice to say the least. time is ticking ticking ticking and suddenly a voice over the headphones tells me that there are only 5 minutes to go... those minutes also pass and i return back from the void of the mri-belly. of course i have to ask what's up. no answer, the doctor must look at the data first i'm being told. i beg hard that a doctor does a quick check of the data just to let me know that i'm not suffering from a brain tumor. after about twenty minutes dr. g. calls my name. he can't find any brain tumor, it's about my right eye 'only'. sigh of relief.

'however you should check the rest of your body doing a pet-scan. we can't do them in this hospital. besides your right eye your liver is my main concern now. dr. h. from the eye department will arrange an appointment for you next tuesday'

i'm scared shitless what's ahead. to calm me down i received some lexotanil tablets. i take a tablet the same evening and travel back into the void. nightynight.

-pj