reflection

this potential serious illness surely makes me think. a lot more than during normal phases of life. after long consideration i decided to cancel my visit to my good friend leslie in holland. i wanted to visit her and to see some concerts in amsterdam too. would have loved to see low and the dresden dolls. oh well, i did see the dresden dolls once back in december but unfortunately i never had the honor to see low in concert. maybe later?

i also decided to no longer pay attention to wanna-be-problems. one of the few positive things to come out of the situation i'm in. like getting upset when missing a bus. or similar little things. if you pay attention and walk with open eyes you'll notice how many people get stressed about little stuff. funny.

had a long talk together with my wife with dr. m. i'm really thankful as dr. m. takes out a lot of time for us, explaining in well thought words how proton beam treatment works, what its risk and chances are and how to deal with cancer and its possible outcome. if i should really hit an emotional low or be in massive fear i can call him anytime, i even have permission to call privately. thank you very much, it sure helps me getting through this phase. waiting can be so tough, on one hand i want to start treatment on 1st march or the other hand i want to live every minute as intense as possible. after all, nobody gets out alive out of this life.

-pj